Totally not from The Onion.

“The letter, addressed to Trey Anastasio, Jon Fishman, Mike Gordon and Page McConnell, says the request is an attempt to gain empathy for fish, “because few people are aware that fish are actually smart animals with personalities.”

“For example, they communicate and develop relationships with one another, feel pain when injured (their lips are particularly sensitive, and they use them like we use our fingers), show affection by gently rubbing against other fish, and even grieve when other fish they like die,” the letter continues.”