inothernews:

A sampling:

• “Ladies and gentlemen, the only reason you see me standing here is I was NBC’s Plan B. Plan A involved the corpse of Johnny Carson and a lightning bolt.” —Jay Black
• “We’ve decided to start fresh at the Tonight Show, so we’ve added some new segments: ‘In the Year 4000,’ ‘Jay’s Book Club,’ and ‘Top Eleven Lists.’” —Veronica Mosey
• “Remember when the Taliban was overthrown, but then they came back into power again? Hi, I’m Jay.” —Tom Cotter
• “Me going back to the Tonight Show is like saying, ‘Check the prostate again, Doc, and this time have some fun with it!’” —Chip Hirschfield
• “The New York Times asked people to send in their joke ideas, jokes, or lines that they’d tell, if they were me, that could possibly get people back in my corner. I sent in four pages. It all got rejected.” —Yes, Jackie “the Joke Man” Martling

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